![]() Wednesday, May 30, 2007 ♥
this morning... went for Microsoft competition... haix.. today, dunno is not my luck or wat la... say le also super angry with the stupid computer... i know how to do the questions lo... but just tat the system is making a fool out of me... until i cannot take the reality that it is happening la... i was super angry with myself for not doing well... thus, i just simply did something... can see tat all of us are really disappointed with our results... this is not wat we have expected... actually today gt POS preview... i wanted to go... but honestly, i have to say sorry... i cant, cos my mood has not gone over about microsoft... i will not be able to concentrate then went down to vivo city... went to sakae for lunch... with ah yi and my new lover...haha... we are just trying to let go no matter how much we are angry la... since it is over le... then we went to shop around... lots of funny things happened... in Toy R Us... and other shops la... we found bags to allow us to do run-aways from home... we found basket bags... then me and rubbish again... =p then went to eat ice-cream... super enjoy life rite? eat, shop, eat shop... then went to a book store... OmG!! tat is a bad place for me... cos i will sure to buy books de... hee hee... then really lor... found 2 books... then we had some fun in the book store too... then waited for hx to come and find us... then we decided to go and PS... went to shop around PS... then accompany hx to go and eat his dinner... then went home le... super tired la... haha... but then very fun... oh ya... we have the same seels on our phones... whahaa... siao le la... okie la... need to go and rest early... tml will be POS le.. EMERGE le... N-G-E-E-A-N-N jia you!!!! we can do it... ★ Van Van ★ @ 10:56 PM Tuesday, May 29, 2007 ♥
in the office... dunno why... kinda of moody for some reasons... maybe not enough sleep... thinking of POS... or worrying for some friends... anyway, i was chatting with few of my classmates... hee hee... and i realised that everyone is missing each other's presence... missing the times when shelin disturb jo... missing the times when i am the evil one... missing the times of our Lesbianing... missing the times of disturbing each other... missing the times of going out together... missing the times of me flying their kites... *ops.. cos now no chance le.. =p missing the times when jo and i fight over cm *wu liao... jo de fault la.. missing the times when we are arguing with the guys... missing the times when we played games in class... missing the times when we watched movie together as a class... then jac jac send us this pic... the pic we took in year 1... so sweet rite?? haha... so decided to blog it... =p ★ Van Van ★ @ 10:52 AM Sunday, May 27, 2007 ♥
jas called up this morning... ask me to meet her at 8.15am for breakfast... then my parents woke up then they say fetch me to church... hee hee... then they also sent jasmine... after service, went to find lijuan... see my princess daffodil... so cute and pretty... then lijuan have to go for make up cg... lijun not free... so i take care of daffodil lor... she very cute... bring her go walk around... until she tired le... then carry her to let her sleep lo... sleep until so peacefully... then waited for lijuan's mum to come and pick up daffodil... then i actually very tired... but then decided to go orchard partyworld to find cg... i really enjoyed myself ba... managed to let go all the things in my head and enjoyed myself... then the guys sang 对面的女孩看过来 。。。 then the girls decided to sing a song to hit back 姐姐妹妹站起来。。。 haha... it was really very fun... then some of them left early... then went with jasmine, wuay boon and his wife to go and support raymond in the art performace... the performance is really interesting... ** raymond is inside** ** nice rite? ** **Fireworks** **Fireworks** **Fireworks** there is also fireworks... really very nice leh... hee hee... then today, whole time was with jasmine lo... hmm... really talked alot to her today... then after tat, we like in secondary school... sat on the floor... haha... from cityhall to jp... then we went to jp to walk 1 round... then went home le... for the first time... really talk alot to her lo... and lots of crapping... haha... more photos coming up... tune in to wait for my latest photos.. hee hee... but wait till i get them first la.. **to Jas: thanks alot for today... =) well, tell you le... if you can get me to do it... then try lo.. haha.. i really managed to let go of everything to enjoy myself today... i know what you are trying to do... but give me abit of time k? =) ★ Van Van ★ @ 11:08 PM ♥
woke up early today... 9am and i have already starting to train le... over and over again... then took my Microsoft Word Expert exams... then after tat, zi ning and i realised the computer dont like us lo... we did the steps le... but seems tat we dont get it rite... then ask jac and fulu to come... immediately okie le -_-''' then after tat, went down to bbdc... hmm... cool... today, drove a 1.6 litres car and the car is cool lo... hee hee... wonder when will i get my own car ***Day Dreaming then went marina after tat to eat... to find my friends there... hmm... today, mind wire abit spoil.... crapping the whole nite... haha... in the end, decided to settle down at starbucks... to drink, eat and chat lo... okie la... i am damn tired le lor... go and sleep le.. nitez =) ★ Van Van ★ @ 1:01 AM Friday, May 25, 2007 ♥
hmm... this week is a week of challenge for me... i was really fighting inside myself... thoughts that i know i should not have came across... things tat i should do, i did it... why only today, then i update my blog... cos maybe everyday, i am facing the computer so coming to the point... when i reach home, dun feel like using com... anyway... this week... on sat, i realised that i didnt eat my breakfast, lunch... supposed to meet her for dinner... but... i made her angry... so in the end... i also didnt eat dinner.... sun, i also forgot to eat breakfast and lunch... then in the evening... was made to meet her... then she made me eat dinner... haha... nt bad k? 6 meals in 2 days... i use 1 meal to settle... whahaha then weekdays, nothing lor... but my department is getting more and more interesting things happening... hmm.. just reach home nt long... had a great day... smsing my classmates... just missed the times in school... then went for movie... =p i think becos of the movie... i am more relax ba... i also learn... 1 day pass 1 day... 1 day will pass when you are high... 1 day will pass when you are low... so just leave the way you wan as the days go by lor.. =p cos i also dunno if my mood will be good or bad tml.. whaha.. ★ Van Van ★ @ 1:06 AM Saturday, May 19, 2007 ♥
walk home from ngee ann... thought about many things... i find it hard to control... maybe only then i can forget things temporary... since i have made you so angry with me... i shall make myself pay for wat i have done... byebye for the time being ★ Van Van ★ @ 9:04 PM ♥
went for emerge this morning... finally i saw debbie... hee hee... then i had 2 events ma... 100m and 4X100m relay... gosh!! first i was off-form today... secondly, my leg is giving me lots of problem this morning... arrgg... though i was angry with myself... but i guess, i ran the best that i could... even though i didnt get any medal... but then i enjoy the process... the fun... after emerge... i will really take a break... guys, dun worry k? when i cannot take it anymore... i will let you all know... to Tammy: dunno if you will read this... but anyway, thanks for helping me to keep the secret... i know it is hard... i know you wan to say it out... i wun blame you if you really say it out... but i promised you nothing will happen okie? i will take care of myself... *Smilez always* =D ★ Van Van ★ @ 4:58 PM ♥
ytd... took leave from attachment... the feeling is great... away from the stress... went back to school... went to do training for microsoft examination in the evening... wow... my friends can be scary with they are teaching me... haha... partly i was playing a fool la... anyway, i also went to the Laos Photo fest to help out... saw the people there... hmm... so long didnt see them le... then cheng came all the way to school just to see me... *faint* then went to the bank... back to my training... when it is time for my examination... can really feel the stressfulness lo... haix.. but then in the end, i gt full marks... hee hee... 1000/1000... yeah!! now... next step... will be going for microsoft expert examinations... looks like i have to spend more time to study them le... ★ Van Van ★ @ 4:53 PM Thursday, May 17, 2007 ♥
stop questioning... stop asking... when i wan to say... i will say... all i need nw is... just to leave me alone... the more you going to force... the more i will stay away... let me settle my own thoughts... sorry... ★ Van Van ★ @ 11:50 PM ♥
it has been days since i blog... i just dunno wat to blog... i just dunno what i am feeling right now... maybe just burying myself more and more into attachment and POS... now is just eat, sleep, work, competition... to exhaust myself... so by the time, i reach home... i am just too tired to do or to think about anything except sleeping... to say honestly, i am really tired... to my friends... thanks for all the encouraging smses... the late nite phone talking... the tags you left me... hmm... dun worry... i am still holding on... trying not to let me fall... since i have promised someone that i will not fall so easily... maybe i just need time to adapt... maybe till now... i still could not accept the fact... was smsing someone ytd... i just felt lighten after sharing with you... you are always so patient with me no matter how stubborn my thoughts can be... always able to make me speak out everything... i didnt forget wat you have told me all these while... thanks for being there... good luck for your exams... thanks to you guys(tink you all know who you are)... though you didnt say much... but... thanks for standing by me during this period... ★ Van Van ★ @ 12:47 PM Monday, May 14, 2007 ♥
who am i? the real me? the shell me? i am losing the grip... i am losing the confident... just felt useless... when my friend fall... cant even give her a hand help her up... i ask people to open up... but... i am shutting the door... i am not angry tat they are not sharing... but i am angry with myself... seeing the problem... yet i not able solve... except to stand there to watch... i know i didnt give many people chance to walk into my world... just been afraid... sometimes i wonder... how she is able to walk into my life? (u know)... shakespears said "To be or not to be, that is a question" (hidden meaning behind =) ) ★ Van Van ★ @ 12:53 PM Sunday, May 13, 2007 ♥
this morning... didnt go service... then ate breakfast... stayed at home... accompany my mum... afternoon... went down to expo... find rach to get something... went for POS 2nd preview... our cheer and dance is so cool... hehe... then continue with our training... until about 7.30pm... went to 3rd aunt's place... then happen to be on the phone with ah yi... then ask her help me ask hx his blk... end up, i realise it is the same block... then after... i really we are only 3 storey different... and we are on the same side as there are 2 sides... then went up to find him chat about something... and he wanted to show me something... in the end... when i left... hx told me tat actually his mum know my aunt... so qiao la... still can say my aunt's car plate number... win le lor... haha... then after tat, went home le.. ★ Van Van ★ @ 10:33 PM Saturday, May 12, 2007 ♥
was too tired to blog ytd... cos these few days have been using things that i should do... mother's day dinner for our china trip family... =) Mrs Ong aka Ah ma Melvin aka Ah gong Cherie aka Mummy Jin Hui aka Daddy Jacqueline Ng aka Ah yi Han Xiang aka Jiu Jiu Ada aka xiao yi Yong Zhi aka Daddy's friend after work... went home to get the strawberries and the blue rose for mummy... then went down to marina square seoul garden... went to meet ahyi first to get dry ice for my mummy coated strawberries... which made for her... when stepped into seoul garden... then i gave her the rose and the strawberries... *so sweet rite??* hehe then we started eating and chatting about our attachment... lots of funny things... including my chou shi tat i need in seoul garden... flying chopsticks la... weekly seafood la... i really enjoyed the time with them... felt the love of a family... then after tat, they requested me to sing a mother's day song... so sang for my mummy lor... super no face le la... sing in public... then after tat, went home... acutually wanted to go somewhere de... but then i was too tired and headache becos of... ★ Van Van ★ @ 10:23 PM Friday, May 11, 2007 ♥
came to office this morning... gt real distracted with things happening at home... didnt really have mood to work... my mind was in a mess... but... thanks to my classmate... for her crazy jokes... she and her bikes... thanks to someone... wanted to make me her white rat... to try her medicine... wanted me to get strawberries pox... wanted to be in the straits time headline... of stealing sugar... made me laugh though it is through the net... but they indeed brighten my day up a little... thanks... now... it is time for me to get serious and back to work... blog again ba... ★ Van Van ★ @ 4:30 AM ♥
1 year 365 days... how many days do i really see you? 1 month 31 days... how many days you are at home? 1 week 7 days... how many days you are around? how many times did we really talked? when i am free... you are busy... when i am busy... you are free... on my birthday, you are not around... on big days, you are not around... on big family days, you are not around... on your parents' birthday, you are not around... see the disappointment on their faces... it is just like a knife piercing through my heart... you say i am always not at home... you say i treat the house as a hotel... what is the point of going home early to face 4 walls... with no one around... except the 4 walls of the house... now... time is going to change... you announced you have to station overseas... already i dun see you often... for the next 1 year... or maybe 2 years... or maybe 5 years... i am not seeing you? wat will the house become? mummy is going to fly to and fro to visit you... i will not see her too... leaving my sis and I in Singapore... you wan me to fly there to find you... how many times can i fly? once a month? twice a month? if i fly... who is going to look after my sister? who seems independent... who always start the arguement... but a person who needs care and concern... suddenly... many things appeared in my head... questions upon questions... do i have to once again forced myself to be strong... to wear a mask everyday... to keep everything inside my heart once again? to swallow all the unhappiness within me... to take up the responsibility of the family? cos i dun wan see her falling into depression the 2nd time becos of you... your news came too sudden for me to accept... suddenly, i just felt lost... i dunno if i can take it... but i am losing my balance... i am falling... ★ Van Van ★ @ 12:43 AM Monday, May 07, 2007 ♥
too tired to blog... so only today then blog... sat morning... cg also going...but later... so i decided met up with mummy & hx first... supposed to meet at 8.45am at vivo city... ended up mummy and i still tired... called hx to push back timing... 2nd time... cannot pushed le... someone going to kill us le...haha... went to make our islander card... all tired... so mood quite low... we went high when we sat the tram... wanted to go tanjong beach but then we missed the stop... when the train U-turn... went to the palawan beach instead... haiyo... something interesting happen... with our 6 O'clock, 12 O'clock, 8 O,clock... we started to throw sand at each other cos we didnt want to go into the water... ended up... all 3 are inside the water playing le... *faint* saw kai jie and lots of NPCC i knw de in SENTOSA... -_-''' guess wat?? i also saw E-lis with her BF... haha... my aunt... then after tat, went to bath... then we went to butterfly and insects park... so cool!! different butterflies... hee hee... then we had free lunch... PIZZA!! then we went to Image Of Singapore... took alot of photos inside... show? need to seek permission first... actually was abit hot... cos something happened... then phone gt confiscated by hx... haha... go out with them keep on using phone... but then mummy and hx made me super high la... haha... lots of jin dian photos... lots of MI(2)... (cherie & hx.. you all should understand la) imagine we stayed inside for about 1 hour?? haha... then went to watch song of the sea again... so nice... then went home le... sun... didnt sleep the whole nite lo... cos i was doing something for some wonderful people... by the time i finish... wow!! 6am le lor... confirm dun need to sleep liao... but then i can still be awake during service... thanks God for the energy... felt the touch from Him... after tat, did recycling... then went to find my cg... before they throw another bomb at me... joined them for a while... went to bel's house to see her... then discuss some welfare things... and TEAM C!!! hee hee... had a great time fellowshipping... went back to expo for POS training... it was fruitful... i think... then went home... already 95% dead... feeling super tired... and supposed to have conference... but fell asleep during it... haha... sry!! and you know wat?? this was also the day which i know China Trip 2007 for exactly 2 months.. yaHOOooo!! 2 more days to our 2 months of China Family Creation Day.. haha ★ Van Van ★ @ 11:40 PM Friday, May 04, 2007 ♥
Shakespeare said: "Let every eye negoiate for itself" we have seen the work you done... we have seen the effort you put in... we know you are breaking down... we know you cant take it anymore... we know how much it just hurt... to see wat is happening in front of you... the times when you sacrifice... the times when you leave everything behind... we seen it all... you have been strong... you have come so far... hold on... dun let go... finish this race of yours... and rejoice for victory at the very end... when you are tired... just fall... we will be there to catch you... when you feel like crying... just cry... we will be there to lend you a shoulder... when you are lonely... just call... we are just a phone call away... just remember... you are not alone in this race... we are in the race with you... and soon running beside you... - take care - ★ Van Van ★ @ 5:41 AM Thursday, May 03, 2007 ♥
mocha... white coffee... cupacino... different type of coffee... many cups a day... losing count on the cups... just to keep my mind awake... just to keep my eyes on the codings... my classmate and i are getting tired... we are starting to lose our directions... we are starting to lose our focus... we spend most of our time in the office... we spend most of the time on books... arguing over the designs... arguing over the codings... lunching in... looking at coding even during lunch breaks... reach office when it is bright... leave office when it is dark... just as wanted to give up... head back to sch... friends came... classmates came... giving us encouragements... we held on... times when we saw friends working till wee hours... skipping their meals... losing their sleeps... tearing... feeling hopeless... rushing their reports... working OTs... had our ICT attitude "CAN DO IT!"... we know we are not going through this period alone... 1 month had passed so fast... we are still at our design phrase... are we able to clear this sem... can we score in this sem... all of us are having the same question... guys... 3 more months and we are through with it... let jia you!! dun give up... though we might be in different parts of Singapore... arrgg... losing patience with myself... simple codings... took so long... had to give up so many things... each time, cadets come and talk to me... hoping that i will go back for training... time after time, i had to reject them... letting them lose hope... who understand the kind of feelings... who could ever have the heart to tell them tat i am gradutating from npcc this year?? cca... problem after problem... finish work still have to rush down... i need committed members & committees... how busy i am? how tired i am? how much committments i have? saying "no"... can i? i am also human... am i in control? i have my limitation... arrgg... i am losing myself... i am lacking of sleep... i am lacking of time... i am losing the grip... haix... everything is just part & parcel of my attachment life... no choice... i simply just have to go through it... Attachment... allows me to see the working world of IT... to gain experience... to see different types of people... to know how hard is it to earn money... so i just have to keep on walking... ★ Van Van ★ @ 8:46 AM ♥
someone told me this: she believe i know wat i should do... she wan me take up my own responsiblity... i have been pondering on the 3 smses that she had sent me... which is still in my inbox... 1 who i really respect... i have wonderful members... yet i didnt cherish... i have entertaining members... yet i didnt appreciate... to say honestly, i felt lost... i felt like a stranger... yet they didnt give up on me... for every single outing & fellowship... after last week, i realised that they are not bad after all... though they forced... though they pressured... but like wat "she" said to me... if i dun others a chance to get into my life... watever they do, to me is just nothing... i think it is time for me to do something... if i dun make an effort... no matter how much effort they are going to make... i will still be where i am... Father God, help me to humble myself... accept for who they are... let down my pride... with you, all things are possible... enlarge my capacity... help me to go through this period of time... about everything in my life now... the things i have to go through...Amen!! ★ Van Van ★ @ 2:56 AM Wednesday, May 02, 2007 ♥
managed to leave the office by 6pm today... went down to my grandparents' place for dinner... hee hee.. so long didnt go there le... haix... need to go there more often... if not confirm going to get even more scoldings le... ★ Van Van ★ @ 8:44 PM ♥
hmm... finally gt the time and energy to blog.. monday nite... didnt go for POS training... after work... went down to meet jac for dinner... cos her jap lesson was cancelled... then she came all the way to the west side le... then after tat met up with hx... since the next day dun need to work... we decided to surprise cherie by wanting to go to her workplace... but then she went for dinner le... so i played around with her on the phone... telling her to meet at MSQ... then i found out where she is having dinner... then went there to wait for her... haha... when she came out... she was shocked... =p then wanted to play pool or arcade... went there, saw elfie... haha... play for a while then went home le... hmm... quite a number of surprising things happen... but cannot say all hee hee... but anyway, weeks back... i took this trial usher called christina... suddenly she actually called up to chat... cos normally they will not call back de ma... anyway, currently, she is in TV ministry la... quite funny la... the reason she called cos i gave her a deep impression... making her trial session as an usher very fun... haha... *shy* she wanted to call me but then dun dare until tat day... haha... then we were on the phone for about half an hour... then now she is thinking maybe to take up a second ministry... hmmm... she thinking of meeting me on sunday... haha.. since both serving... shall see ba... =) tues... LABOUR DAY!! NO WORK!!! =) went down to yishun in the morning to meet POS people... we are doing measurment for the costume... then after tat, went down to MSQ to meet cherie and jac... ops... i am late for the second time in a week... hee hee... went to watch spiderman 3... quite a interesting show... then went back to arcade to find my mummy's favourite... U PAPA then after tat, went to find my parents and sis at west mall... cos need to join them for dinner... had sushi... saw kwang yee again... then we went for some shopping then went home le... surrendered to my bed super early la... hee hee... ★ Van Van ★ @ 8:12 AM ♥ the girl next door Name: Vanessa Tan Bdae: 16/03/1987 Status:Single School: SIM - UOL Course: Bsc In Business Highest Education: Diploma in IT(Major: E-Biz) My facebook:Facebook E-mail & MSN: van.tan87@hotmail.com Got Saved: 28 March 2005 Join Usher Ministry: 22 March 2006 Youtube link:my videos 21st Birthday celebration: 15th March 2008 Ngee Ann Poly Graduation Ceremony: 27th May 08 SOT Graduation 2008: 23th & 24th Aug 08
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