today was ah tio papa's burial... till now, i still cant get over that i have lost a godpa.. and somehow i kind of regret that i didnt really love him the love... but at least in his life on earth... i gave him money from my pay for him to buy food for himself as a god-daughter... i took a photo of the coffin but then shall not post it cos it will be a memory to me and to my family that we have lost a loved one... today, as i was pushing the van which carried ah tio papa's coffin... my tears just flow... cos i know it will be the last time i will see his body... except through photos, the memories that he has left behind...

it seems like i felt kind of weird, strange or lost?? i also dunno... but i just dun wan to do anything except to daze... and if i am feeling this way, i believe that shawn (my god-brother) and pearlin (my god-sis) will be worst than me... and of course ku mummy... but through this period, i really saw the unity in my family.. all standing together helping ku mummy to make sure everything is ok...
also taught me that i really need to cherish everyone in my family...

before.. i was considering of going back to NPCC but then now i made up my mind... i shall not go back so that i will have more time for myself and definitely for my family...

specially want to thank these people who came down to gave me your comfort, support and encouragment, your presence has given my family and i comfort and we sincerely thank you all for making this trip down:

Huiming Jie
You Mei
Ray
Rachel
Gordon
En Yun
Chang Yan
Michelle
Terence
Lynn
Nat... thanks for coming down even though you ended work late having you to take a cab down and a cab home... dunno wat to say except thank you cos i didnt expect you to come at about 11plus.. and moreover, taking a cab here..

so much feeling inside me now... this morning.. my mum woke me up... supposed to go for cgm this morning but my mum say she is going to the hospital cos the doctor called ku mummy at 5plus to say that my godpa has gone into a coma... and i felt weird so decided to follow her to the hospital.. then when we reach the hospital.. then when i saw ah tio papa, every few mins, he will be like gasping for breathe.. as though it is like been electric stock... then we waited for the second team of doctor to come... then the doctor told ku mummy... ah tio papa might not be able till 12pm... so ask her to decide to pull off the support machine or to hold on till he is gone cos his brain is already partically damaged due to no oxygen going into his brain and his kidney has already failed..everyone was crying... after so many discussion.. she still cant decide to pull off.. cos perlin jie jie and frandi kor kor also dun wan to pull off the machine... so decided to use the machine till the heart really stop beating.. so ku mummy started to call friends and family down to see him the last time if they wan to..

then we got the catholic priest to come and pray for ah tio papa cos we are all prepared that he will leave us today.. then we ask him to follow the light.. hold mother mary's hand.. he was holding on very strongly.. and we know he is worried for the family... then at about 1plus.. at a point his heart stopped beating then came back again.. by then everyone is by his bed side.. ku mummy keep talking to him.. and his heart beat was getting slower as time passed.. till about 1.45pm.. he suddenly open his eyes when we talked to him and look at ku mummy.. then at about 2.10pm.. doctor pronounce tat he is dead.. then everyone broke down...

some of us went back to my grandparents place... they waited for my mum and i to reach.. then they broke the news to my grandparents.. and they cried.. the whole house seems so quiet the whole time except for tv sound.. i was so tired that i fell asleep and when i wake up... my head hurts like crazy and my eyes felt sore...

going to be at the wake for the next few days... and partipating cos they say i am the god daughter..

ah tio papa, go in peace to enjoy your eternal life now... i will always remember you.. my godpa who always carry me on your back when i was younger cos you and ku mummy brought me out and i was so tired... and fell asleep... the time when i was in genting... half fainting.. you carried me on your bed all the way... from first world to the hotel room to helping my parents get the doctor and everything... i will miss you always buying nasi lemask and the malay food for us to eat... you will be missed deeply by everyone in the family.. Ah tio papa, goodbye... will meet you soon some day............................................................................

last week... went for service.. then after tat, went to meet both my cgl cos they are giving the top 5 of us who brought the most friends to church... haha.. and least did i expect?? i was one of them... wow!! anyway, we went for japanese food then after food.. we wanted to catch a movie but then no more tickets so shannon.. my cgl suggested to go arcade and then we went crazy there... i spend $20 there.. and guess wat?? haha..we are super amazing la.. we started to win points and trying to beat the highest record..haha.. then from 4pm to 7plus.. all the way, we are in the arcade.. then after tat, raymond called to say he wan to come back to join us... so edward, aloy and i walked around vivo while waiting for him to come.. then not knowing wat to do.. we went back to play arcade again.. haha.. but i really had fun to throw away all thoughts and enjoy myself.. then after tat we went to eat marche.. wow!! expensive day... then hor.. the 3 guys starting to show how to treat girls and wat they should not do.. then super funny la.. and guess wat?? they used me as their sample... faint.. then after dinner we went home le.. cos quite late le.. but thanks to edward.. being the gentleman... he send me back home..

went to watch red cliff 2 with EG, da jie and some ushers whom i dunno... and of course pei shan and changyi... thought dunno some of them feel weird not movie so not that bad la.. but quite weird cos i was the only jurong west usher lo... hmm.. nvm... then after tat, we went for dou hua break.. then after tat, we went home... hmm.. actually, i cant really remember much also..

wow!! finally, thanks to my colleagues... i have not been out in the sun and enjoyed myself soo much le.. in the morning.. met Rhys to go Levis to buy jeans.. then actually i wanted to go home after tat thinking of my godpa and my grandparents... oh ya.. my godpa.. finally is discharge and all my in grandparents' place now.. then Rhys asked me to go and join them cos they are going sentosa.. haha.. then in the end.. i went along too.. then Dino bought a ball then we start to play monkey and then soccer.. then they started to throw people into the sea.. first was shao wei.. then dino went in himself... then after tat, sze shian went in also.. then wei hao was throw in followed by wei de... then in the end.. i was next.. but then they are all guys... how to run faster then them?? so in the end.. i am also in the water.. the only 3 survivals are Gary, Andy and Rhys lo.. haha. then after sentosa, i didnt join them for game of CS.. haha.. i went to my grandparents' place.. then when my grandpa saw me.. he said in teochew "wow!! my grandchildren, one by one come and see me" then he hugged me.. i cant remember when was the last time he actually hugged me.. :)

after that, went home with my mum and sis... the first time i reach home was into my room and i knocked off for the night.. it was a great, pleasant sleep after all.. after so many nights.. finally..

now tat i am getting back my life... i wan to go back to ministry soon... :) thanks for all the friends who have been really encouraging me through actions and words.. yes!! i remember how i went through SOT no matter how hard it was, i went throught everything and now i believe i will overcome all the obstacles again.. cos i am a OVERCOMER!! :)

lastly, i wan to thank him.. you know who.. :) for the joy through all the smses and jokes and craps.. maybe it will be better for us to stay at friends for now to avoid all the weirdness rite? haha. :) thanks.. and ya.. i miss your craps for today.. haha..

another working day... but then somehow my mood wasnt really very good.. maybe due to not enough sleep ba.. haha

the whole day from morning.. i was smsing him all the way until end of his day for work... then we stopped sms... then after work... went to esplande to eat supper with Rhys, Dino, Sze Shian, Andy and Vincent... then we left at about 11.30pm then went home.. and started doing some packing for my room.. slowly and steady... going to look like a room to me soon.. hee..

wa.. so late le.. need to go and sleep le.. cos maybe tml going sentosa with them... haha..

sometimes.. people do ask... hey.. wat you wan to achieve in 2009?? wat are your goals in 2009??
and guess what?? this year.. somehow i really felt lost.. i dunno where am I.. honestly, wat do I want to achieve in 2009?? other than getting into uni.. there are nothing in my mind... what are my goals?? haha.. other than family in my mind.. i have nothing else?? will 2009 be a better year for me or will be a year of doubts??

remember having so many goals and plans i had for 2008.. for the last 2 months of 2008... had pulled me all the way back to where i dun even know.. especially at nite.. it is even hardly to control.. at least day time, i use work to numb myself.. but then i know God is always there for me.. but somehow i felt i am lacking of something.. everyone is praying for me and my family.. but then i dunno why.. there is a emptyness which i cant describe... and worse still... i realised i cant put in words how i feel?? ya.. people will tell me all type of things.. yes, i know i need to hold on etc... but then at times, i just feel like shutting off the computer in me.. i just need a break..

arrgg.. i wan to serve back in main hall.. back together with the rest of the ushers of G11.. to be my one big family but at the same time, i dun seems to be mentally and emotionally prepared..

arrg.. i am angry with myself.. wat made me this way??

well.. 2008 was definitely not a good year for me when it is coming to an end... it seems like everything is out of place... i am going crazy very soon... as my grandfather was in hospital during about 2 weeks ago.. i took as many leaves as i can to go and see him.. to the extend... i am working like crazy now.. haha.. seeing him trying to walk again made me sometimes feel upset... sometimes, i just wan to be away from everyone... i get tired too.. then my godpa is in also hospital..

this afternoon, during my lunch break, i went to find my godma since she is also working in parkway.. and ask about my godpa cos only 4 of the relatives can go in.. they might be registered then can see him.. fine.. so we haven seen him for a while.. but then after his treatment.. he actually went breathless and immediately into ICU then after tat, his stomach discovered with oursirs.. then when he was about to recover... his neck start to grow small watery spots.. according to my godma, the chinese called it snake.. it grows in a circle and there is a start... if the start touches the end... you will die.. so now, all his treatment has to stop to treat this "snake" disease..

honestly, i dunno if it is a correct choice that i am stepping down for main service for usher ministry... but then i just wan to get back myself?? i seems very ok.. but if there is a crowd.. dun leave me alone or you will see the differences.. anyway, you mei msg me and wanted to meet me after service tml... hmm... wat will she say?? or wat will she wan me to do?? what will i dO???


there is only 1 hint to the 1 question i have in mind... when i leave, will i shut everything down from my heart and mind??

Name: Vanessa Tan
Bdae: 16/03/1987
Status:Single
School: SIM - UOL
Course: Bsc In Business
Highest Education: Diploma in IT(Major: E-Biz)
My facebook:Facebook
E-mail & MSN: van.tan87@hotmail.com
Got Saved: 28 March 2005
Join Usher Ministry: 22 March 2006
Youtube link:my videos
21st Birthday celebration: 15th March 2008
Ngee Ann Poly Graduation Ceremony: 27th May 08
SOT Graduation 2008: 23th & 24th Aug 08

Bukit Batok Pri Sch(1994 - 1999)
1Q, 2Q, 3Q, 4Q, 5Truth, 6Hope

Jurong Secondary Sch(2000 - 2004)
1C, 2C, 3B, 4B, 5A

Ngee Ann Poly (2005 - 2008)
0508 (IT course)

Bible Training Center (April 2008 - August 2008) SOT Team 23

Usher Ministry
G4S5C - Welfare & Helper
G11S1D - Welfare & Helper
G11S1C - Team IC & Sect Welfare

Personal Achievement:
1 Star Kayakking (22nd Jun 2008)
SSC Napfa Tester(2005)

LAST UPDATED PROFILE:18th JULY 2009

Get into University start sch on Aug 3rd 09

Own Room

Honda Jazz

New Black Blazer claimed on 15th July 09

New Jacket claimed on 25th June 09

Hoodies

Omnia II

New Clothes

New Camera

shoes

Addias Cool Shirt

Go Genting went 14-19 June 09

Go Taiwan

Go South Korea

Crumpler Backpack claimed on 27th Aug 09

♥ Overseas TriPs ♥

Australia(Perth) - (relatives) Apr 2004

Japan(Tokyo) - (family) Dec 2005

NP BE Laos Team 2006 - 22 sept to 6 oct 2006

Thailand(Bangkok) - (family) Dec 2006

NP ICT China Trip 2007 - 6 Mar to 15 Mar 2007

Japan(Tokyo,Osaka,Kyoto) - 14 dec to 22 dec 2007

China(Beijing) - (family) 24 Apr to 29 Apr 2008

Malaysia(Sibu) - (SOT Mission) 11 Jul to 13 Jul 2008

♥ her loves

CHattiNg oN pHonE
Cycling
Daydreaming
Family
Friends
LiSteNiNg tO MuSiC
Watching Movies
Playing Sports
Travelling
SENTOSA
Shopping
K-boxing
Sleeping
SwimminG
Usher Ministry 4S5
Usher Ministry G1112
Orchard POpular Staff

♥ Movies Watched in Cinema

* Night in the Museum - 4th Jan 07
* Ghost Rider - 22th Feb 07
* Just Follow Law - 27th Feb 07
* Meet the Robinsons - 9th Apr 07
* SpiderMan 3 - 1st May 07
* Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End - 24th May 07
* Shrek 3 - 6th Jun 07
* Fanastic 4 - 13th Jun 07
* Transformer - 30th Jun 07
* Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix - 12th July 07
* The Simpsons Movie - 27th July 2007
* Rush Hour 3 - 12th Aug 2007
* Ratatouille - 1st Sept 2007
* 881 - 28th Sept 2007
* Balls of Fury - 03rd Oct 2007
* Unrest - 29th Oct 2007
* Enchanted - 24th Nov 2007
* Tattooist - 30th Nov 2007

* Kung Fu Dunk - 3rd Feb 2008
* CJ7 - 14th Feb 2008
* Ah Long Pte Ltd - 14 Feb 2008
* L change the world - 24 Feb 2008
* Meet the Spartans - 07 Mar 2008
* The Spiderwick - 14 Mar 2008
* The Orphanage - 21 Mar 2008
* The Forbidden Kingdom - 23 April 2008
* Superhero Movie - 30 April 2008
* Iron Man - 2nd May 2008
* The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - 29th May 2008
* Sex and the City - 1st Jun 2008
* Kung Fu Panda - 13th Jun 2008
* Meet the Zohan - 27th Jun 2008
* Money No Enough 2 - 24th Aug 2008
* Wall-E - 29th Aug 2008
* Boys over Flowers - 19th Sept 2008
* Big Stan - 6th Oct 2008

* Red Cliff 2 - 12th Jan 2009
* Marley and Me - 06th Mar 2009
* Coming Soon - 12th Mar 2009
* Unborn - 27th Mar 2009
* Friday the 13th - 27th Apr 2009
* 17 Again - 30th Apr 2009
* Angels and Demons - 26 May 2009
* Terminator Salvation - 15 June 2009
* I Love You Man - 30 June 2009
* Where got Ghost - 16 Aug 2009

♥ shout-out

♥ WALAU SERIBU REBAH

我从来不曾 怀疑过
到底你有多么爱我
我生命里的每一分钟
都有你看顾着我
有的时候黑暗临到
有的时候巨浪狂风
我心依然满有平安
因为有你看顾我
我的主

不管前面道路有多困苦
耶稣你永远是我的帮助
只要有你在我生命中
永远看顾
我必能一路永跟随
我的主

♥♥ JW USHER MINISTRY G11 + G12 ♥♥

UM BLTC
G11 Blog
Wan Yun
Lay Hwa
Kenrus
Trinity
Jermaine
En Yun
Dion
Rui Xiang
Xin Yi
Sharon
Li Zhi

♥♥ EG ♥♥

EG
Feng Ming
Jing Xuan
Rachel
Ray
Xin Yan
Natalie

♥♥ Family ♥♥

E-Lis

♥ ♥ ♥

~CHC~
WYZ Zone
SOT Team 23
Fang-Yi
lovely 4S5
Huiming Jie
Celeste
Pei Fen
Jean
*][Charmaine Thng ][
Jul
Michelle Leong
*][JayMe][
Charmaine
Eunice
*][Soo Eng][
Judy
NP POS
NP POS - Hui Xiang
*NP POS - Michelle
][AdRiAn][
W360 - ][HuI ZheN][
WYZ Zone - Terry

~Ngee Ann Poly~
hi5 - Hui Ying
hi5 - Celestine
T08 - JacQue|iNe
T08 - Shelin
Laos Team 2006 - ][ChEnG ChEnG][
Laos Team 2006 - ][Debbie][
*Laos Team 2006 - ][pEi XiN][
*Laos Team 2006 - ][Shirley][
*China Trip 2007 - ][Ada][
*China Trip 2007 - ][Cherie][
*China Trip 2007 - ][Han Xiang][

~TOO Popular~
Peggy
Fang Ming
Xiu Li
Nyssa
Yvonne

~Friends~
Area 17 CI - Jason
NDP 2003 - Xiao Yuan
Jurong Sec - ][KaReEn][
Jurong Sec - ][WeN][
Jurong Sec - ][Suliani][
Jurong Sec - ][Gayithri][
Jurong Sec - ][GraCe][
Jurong Sec - ][EuNicE][
Jurong Sec - TiVoNa
Jurong Sec - ][JoLeNe][
Jurong Sec - ][HuI JiE][
Jurong Sec - ][JiA XiN][
Jurong Sec - ][Cynthia][

~WOrLd of stars~
Felicia Chin
*][Lao Zha Bo][
*][Director Jack Neo][

♥ MOTIVATION & REFLECTION

To succeed is to stay focus on 1 thing at a time.

Never run away from a problem. Face it or it will haunt you.

Every Morning, when I wake up, I treasure the innocence of being able to enjoy each day.

We can disagree with each other but we must never doubt each other.

I dont need people to decide for me, I will decide my own pathway.

~Teaching~
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

♥ Memories

• 2004 - 2006
• January 2007
• February 2007
• March 2007
• April 2007
• May 2007
• June 2007
• July 2007
• August 2007
• September 2007
• October 2007
• November 2007
• December 2007
• January 2008
• February 2008
• March 2008
• April 2008
• May 2008
• June 2008
• July 2008
• August 2008
• September 2008
• October 2008
• November 2008
• December 2008
• January 2009
• February 2009
• March 2009
• April 2009
• May 2009
• June 2009
• July 2009
• August 2009
• September 2009
• October 2009

♥ Affiliates

FRIENDSTER
ICT CHINA TRIP 07
Guitar 4 Christ
*+ Hotmail
*+ Gmail
*+ YahooMail
NPCC
Christian Guitar Chords
Guitar Pop Songs
*+ Usher Ministry 4S5
*+ Ngee Ann Poly CHC

Imeem